One of the most consistent challenges I’ve faced on my growth and healing journey is that the more authentically and self-lovingly I show up, the more frequently I disappoint people.
Also, the more visible I become in my work, the more people there are to disappoint.
This reality is inevitable, and we never know when another disappointment bomb will land in our life. Even the most fawny people pleasers in the world occasionally disappoint people, and there are a LOT of fawny people pleasers in the world establishing this coping strategy as the norm.
So the more daring we become in our authentic expression, need honoring, and boundary setting, the more we tend to stand out from the crowd.
For difficult realities like this that we can’t avoid, it feels important to have a practice in place; something we establish in a regulated, grounded moment, that we can pull out of our toolkit when we’re triggered and deep in our feelings.
My own practice looks something like this:
The older I get, the clearer I am that the willingness to disappoint people in order to stay true to ourselves is a necessary part of the maturation process. For me, it’s also a sign that I’m no longer exiling parts of myself, that I’ve built the capacity to be with the full range of human emotions (including shame, which is often the one we’re avoiding when we’re trying to keep everyone happy), and that codependency is no longer ruling my life (hallelujah).
I once read this somewhere:
“I only lied so I didn’t have to see the tears of disappointment in your eyes.”
This same sentiment applies to times when we’re not outright lying, but pretending to agree or owning something isn’t actually ours to own.
And you? Are you disappointing more people as you grow and heal? If so, how are you handling it and what have been the rewards of staying true to yourself?
Navigating all the feels right alongside you,