One of the most common worthiness stories I hear from my clients is one that I, myself, bought into for years. It goes something like this:
“I wanted to stay home with the kids, so who am I to complain now that I’m struggling with it? I signed up for this. I ASKED for this.”
The trouble with this story, of course, is that none of us has any idea what we’re signing up for when we become a mother.
We have no way of knowing what months of sleep deprivation can do to our sanity, what breastfeeding will do to our sex drive, or what letting go of our earning potential will do to our sense of empowerment.
We can’t know how exhausted we will be by our kids’ special needs, dietary restrictions, temperaments, or colic-induced endless crying. We don’t know what we’re signing up for. Hell, we don’t even know what we don’t know!
Our needs change when we add babies and kids into the mix of our lives. We change, and when this change is supported and honored, we grow into wiser, more compassionate, and more self-actualized versions of ourselves.
In a healthy, balanced, woman-honoring culture, motherhood would not be a lifelong sentence to poorly met needs, self-denial, and longing for the freedom we once felt, but a sacred, supported rite of passage into a rich, fertile, fruitful phase of life. Motherhood is meant to grow us and affirm our sense of worthiness, not further compromise it.
Here’s the simple truth: You are worthy of having your needs met even if…
…you aren’t bringing in an income
…your partner isn’t getting their own needs met
…your mother-in-law, best friend, or neighbor doesn’t prioritize themselves
…your spouse doesn’t legitimize your needs
…your mother didn’t get hers met when you were a child
You are also worthy of having your needs met even if and when it’s hard to meet them. It may take more patience, creativity, and courage than ever to get them met, but this has no bearing on their validity.
You don’t have to keep writing the same story that your needs come last. You are worthy, no matter what. We all are.
Big love to you, mama,