1. Melanie says:

    I cannot tell you how much I needed to read this right now. Just moments before opening up Facebook and seeing this post, I had a similar conversation with my husband. Leaving me annoyed with him and myself as well for the way I handled the situation. Funny how the universe hands these things to you when you need them most. Thank you thank you!

  2. Guy says:

    Great story and a wonderful lesson. Thank you for sharing!

  3. Jennifer Opila says:

    This is wonderful and exactly what I needed to hear today! Thank you!!!

  4. Rita says:

    So much in this story (and its lessons) that I can (uncomfortably) relate to. My god yes: resourcefulness is so much more valuable than organization. (Of course, they need to be resourceful because they’re always losing $h!t. 🙂 And I, too, love a man who automatically thinks inclusively and doesn’t have to try to let things go.

    And as much as I like to think of myself as a storyteller and one who learns through story, I hate to admit how often the source of my own misery is telling myself the wrong story.

    Thank you.

  5. Nikki says:

    Thank you for this lovely post! I am getting better at catching myself AS I sabotage a mood/moment/feeling but now I have a tool for what to do next! Oh, if I could only remember to breathe!

  6. Kelly says:

    Oh how hard it is to catch myself before the comment or the eye roll. And thank goodness for resourceful husbands! By the way, I love the pic of Hunter and Sigourney.

  7. Adah says:

    Okay, I’m not gonna lie. I was a little intimidated by the idea that I was about to have to learn a ten-letter acronym. Very relieved that the B in NOW BREATHE is for BREATHE! I echo everyone else’s sentiments, too. A timely post!

  8. Nancy Smith says:

    You are way too young to be so wise!

  9. Nicole says:

    You have such a wonderful ability to not simply story tell, but to use stories to teach us lessons that we all in our hearts know to be true, but struggle to put into practice.

  10. Keren says:

    Thank you so much for this post, really just perfect so grateful.

  11. Kay says:

    Oh Beth, this is beautiful. Amazing how one can quickly transform negative thoughts just by deep breathing and being aware of one’s process. This is such a fine example of changing the story.

  12. Donovan says:

    Thanks for sharing, Beth! Such a touching story that I really needed to hear!

  13. Heide says:

    LOVED this post Beth! Might I share a recent moment of insight that transformed my life and the way I relate to my family? I’ll take your silence as a yes!
    This is kind of in the same vein as it directly relates to where our thoughts come from and how they shape our speaking and actions.
    Getting back to my insight…I recently participated in a Communication course through Landmark Education. Many of the exercises in the course are designed to un-conceal where we are being in authentic in our lives. Long after the course is over you continue to see things as you engage in life.
    Yesterday I was talking to a friend on the telly and as usual the conversation goes all over the map. We flitter and flurry in our enthusiasm at the fact that we get to chat! One of the subjects that came up, (don’t ask me how we got on this subject, I couldn’t tell you) was molestation. I hate even saying the word….At any rate she asked me if I was ever molested as a child.
    I said, yes, when I was six years old my parents took me and my sister to one of their hippie parties and I got tired, went upstairs to lay down on the sofa when it happened. I told her how I finally got a way from him and ran down the stairs to tell my parents. When I told them I was frightened and crying and I remember my dad confronted him. I was watching in anticipation while clinging to my mothers side, waiting to see him be reprimanded in some way, I’m not sure exactly what way I was thinking, but at the age of six I’m sure my thought was the police would be a good choice. What I ended up seeing was this boy of 14 breaking down and crying and my dad being compassionate and empathetic towards him. I remembered in that moment, that I felt a wave of heat come over me, fear, and in that moment what I told myself was that my dad’s not standing up for me. More importantly how I lived out my life was that no one stands up for me, I am worthless. Now that manifested in all kinds of ways throughout my life of either proving that I was worthy or validating that I wasn’t-the point is that a conversation was generated from a six year old mind that a woman of 50 was living out of and didn’t know it.
    When sharing the incident with my friend on the phone it was like the tape of my life was being rewound and I could see all the ways that I had lived out of that story that I had made up as a child. Whether it was true or not is not relevant, what is relevant, and my husband and children can attest to this, is that I have lived from that sentenced point of view, a point of view of my self that I sentenced myself to without having known it. Every time their was a disagreement in my home that un-examined point of view was informing my behavior and my actions. I can’t tell you how many times I have accused my really awesome husband for not standing up for me. And he, like your hubby, is very forgiving of my short-comings.
    This truly was a breakthrough moment!! It was like being released from jail, a jail that I had put myself into at a very young age.
    You may be asking yourself how does this breakthrough translate into my daily life? I no longer have energy on people standing up for me, and I no longer live out of that conversation that I am worthless. I own it for what it is-something that a six year old little girl made up when her dad didn’t respond to a very scary situation in the way that she thought meant that he valued her.
    I am left with a clearing to create my life from nothing and stand for what and who I am in a very powerful way. One that I cause for myself, that is not given by my past.
    Blessings to you Beth. You are an amazing woman. I love you and your wonderful writing. xoxoxo

  14. Tracy says:

    I so needed this! spot-on– ‘story’ of my life and have so
    Much guilt over it- thank you for sharing!!!

  15. Sabbio says:

    Oh what a precious share… I so often react the same initial way because I feel often that my hisband is often unorganized (or organized at the last moment) and that we always wait for him but yes I know that changing perspecive, being non-judgmental and breathing should and will help me. Thanks for the priceless reminder!

  16. Saundra Hoover says:

    How can you be SO right AND SO not old?? So much we lose in our pre-determined scripts. And it plays itself out…..women, especially need to remember this!! WE DO often control the mood and rhythms of the home…..when we are disturbed and dissonant….all of a sudden the entire home is out of sync….. The children feel it in their bones…..the spouse often has no clue……but just wants it to “get better fast”….when WE CAN resolve and restore our calm, we resolve and restore calm in our place….and those we love the most can absorb that calm and assurance that all is right with the world……

    .

  17. Peg Runnels says:

    How easy it is to forget this, so thanks for the acronym. Great story.

    And I, too, adore Benjamin Zander.

  18. jodie says:

    Really helpful! Thanks.

  19. caddy says:

    Thank you for your wonderful story!
    I can very much relate to this scenario!
    I too am finding that I can have a huge
    Impact on how things turn out by my
    Reactions to my husband and children.
    I still had that
    Thought “but if he just put the “pin” in a
    Sensible place it wouldn’t have been lost”
    But I understand that having a fight over it
    Does not help at all. Thank you for your wisdom
    from Melbourne Australia! : D

  20. Julie says:

    Well said, Beth Berry!

  21. vic says:

    Thank you for your transparency, Beth. It is not easy to let the world look into your family, let alone into your soul. I have found that the biggest struggle I face is with my self. Resolving that battle changes the world.

  22. Erica says:

    Love it! Thanks!

  23. Heather says:

    My friend Adrienne shares your blog via her FB. I have often admired you and your work through her. Please know that this particular piece that you’ve written may be the key to healing my marriage. We have a little baby and my husband is in med school. This leaves me as the only one earning an income (I’m a pediatrician myself)and the primary caregiver for my son. Most times I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders. In the past few weeks I have gotten so tired and very quick to anger. All of it is directed at my poor husband who is a really a great guy. Your writing just landed so clearly for me. Since reading your work and attempting to implement your NOW Breathe method things are actually much better this week. We’ve both noticed. To convey something so powerful so simply and effectively is amazing. Thank you. I hope the world gets to know the gift of your writing.

  24. Leenie says:

    Wow! It is spooky how much I needed to read this. Thanks for nailing it!

  25. Natasha says:

    Hi Beth, Ive been following your blog for awhile and I have to commend you on how often you share your truth and thus your soul with all of us. This post in particular has really struck my core as I am also a mother of four – currently living and teaching & studying- in Ethiopia. I also struggle with my craving for ‘perfection’ and who has a wonderful (but scattered husband) who never makes me conform to his ‘stories’ as I do to him. I am truely blessed – but often need reminding of this.
    I thank you for this reminder today – and will go give him a well deserved hug…now.

  26. Lori says:

    No way!!! I just saw this post shared on Facebook and it looked interesting so I clicked through, read half way and saw the first photo, thought to myself, wow that sure looks like the Hunter I know…then read the rest and started laughing because it IS the Hunter I know!!!!! Beth, I remember you well from ceramics class at ACU and, of course, your daughter (so young at the time!). This was a wonderful post and such great reminders for my own life. Thanks for sharing your experience and this unexpected glimpse of your family! Please tell Hunter hello from his old Blue Haven friend, Lori. 🙂

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