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Homemaking Redefined – From Primitive to Antiquated to Intentional

written by Beth October 31, 2012

{link:http://www.etsy.com/shop/amyriceart}Garden and a Puppy{/link} by Amy Rice

Last week I began a conversation about homemaking and the untapped potential I see for social change given a redefinition (and prioritization) of this millenniums-old mainstay. I explained the motivation behind my thinking, then listed ten things today’s homemakers have in common, posing the question, “Is this what we want to define us or simply what we feel helpless to change?”

This week (part two of three), we’ll look at a few of the reasons we seem to be stuck in this antiquated paradigm and then go about the business of redefining the word to encompass all that it is and can be.

I’ll be the first to admit, the list I’m about to present is idealistic — it’s big picture. Legitimized by most every mainstream standard and impossible to avoid participating in to some degree or another, it can be hard to imagine a shift in these rooted realities. But then again, the same could be said for slavery, a woman’s right to vote and the 2,000-year-old practice of bloodletting. The goal is not overnight change, but that each of us might examine these “norms,” poke holes in them from our unique perspectives and determine whether they serve us if creating culture by truer standards is what we’re going for.

{link:http://www.etsy.com/shop/amyriceart}Future on Wheels{/link} by Amy Rice

6 Reasons We’re Stuck in an Antiquated Model of Homemaking

  1. We’re too busy to change it — We’re busy because we think we should be, because we don’t know how not to be and because everyone else is busy, so busy must be normal. The thing is, in order to keep up with this pace, we need more convenience — and there’s no shortage of it being sold. Then, the more convenience we become accustomed to, the faster we are able to live, the more we consume and the more stress we add to our perception of normal. It’s a self-perpetuating cycle.
  2. “They” have us convinced they know what we need — Homemaking today is presented as a drudgery to be overcome or improved upon by products, creating an obsession with the latest way to clean, organize decorate and adorn. Marketers have even caught on to our desire for truer standards and responded with a giant boom in “natural” foods, “eco-friendly” goods and products that promise simplicity. Notice they aren’t saying buy less or get your food straight from the ground — they’re simply saying “buy our product instead.” Homemaking is big business if they can keep convincing us they know how to make it “better.”
  3. The emphasis on progression has us confused — Progressing, much like keeping busy is sold to us as synonymous with value and self worth. The issue here is twofold. One, much of mainstream “progress” is arguably disguised digression (factory farming comes to mind) and two, some things don’t need to be improved upon, simply revered, respected and protected. Homemaking and motherhood are two prime examples of mainstays adequate and invaluable in and of themselves — but they aren’t profitable as mere cornerstones of culture, so their value looks secondary.
  4. “The system” does not support balance — I have met countless women miserably conflicted by the longing of their hearts to stay home with young children and/or create rich home lives for their families and their equally intense longing to work outside the home, earn money and demonstrate capabilities beyond the kitchen. The fact that doing one or the other is seen as “compromising” (either our families or our careers) speaks to the idea that our culture has yet to create an adequate model that supports both of these invaluable endeavors simultaneously. Women are now accepted in what used to be a male-dominated workplace, but until homemaking is seen as equally valuable to society as money making, we’ll continue to see imbalance in both arenas.
  5. We’re already a generation removed from the land — Even if we wanted to get back to basics or otherwise change our homemaking habits, fewer and fewer people have the skills to pick up and do so, nor memories of the family farm to drive their motivation.
  6. Local communities are (or were) our collective voice — With the rise of corporate influence and the dismantling of local communities, what used to be the way a group of people made traction on a particular issue — joining forces with their neighbors — is becoming a foreign concept to us. So instead of creating the change we’d like to see, even though we have the freedom to do so, we feel isolated in our homes and alone in our perspectives.

SO, assuming that one, you agree — our children deserve a better model, and two, you’re with me in the “be the change” camp, let’s get right down to redefining homemaking altogether.

In doing so, I will break down the who, what, when and where of primitive homemaking models (still pervasive in many of the world’s cultures), antiquated models (those born in recent history and alive today) and finally, an intentional model (that which I believe to be worthy of our strivings).

The Three Models

primitive — being little evolved from an early ancestral type
antiquated — too old to be fashionable, suitable or useful
intentional — characterized by conscious design or purpose

WHO?

primitive: mothers, grandmothers and children old enough to pitch in; men too, though in distinctly segregated roles
antiquated: women and girls; uneducated mothers; those of low-income status or choosing to “sacrifice” careers for family; women in conservative communities of faith

intentional: anyone and everyone who occupies a home, according to their strengths, capacities and interests

WHAT?

primitive: an assurance that the family will not starve, be eaten or freeze to death; the only option available as dictated by dire need, limited resources and oppressive social structures
antiquated: a woman’s obligation; her sole divine purpose; a resentful act of servitude; a compromise; a drudgery; a mark of lesser education; a way to display wealth and demonstrate social status; an experience of isolation; a competition; a choice ridden with guilt and doubt; a justification for excessive consumption; a backdrop for accumulated things

intentional: the creation of space for optimal growth of healthy humans, an opportunity to shape culture from the foundation, a place where rhythm and rest can be reestablished, an embrace of change and struggle and imperfection, an integral part in rebuilding communities, a chance to reconnect with our food source, an offering to the world as unique as we are, the backdrop for our accumulated experiences

WHEN?

primitive: from the time of reproductive age
antiquated: just as soon as she’s been wived to a husband and a house; for six weeks following the birth of a baby; in as little time as possible

intentional: as a lifelong engagement

WHERE?

primitive: shacks, huts, caves or other basic dwellings built with the limited resources available
antiquated: as big and fancy a house as one can “afford;” houses built for show, resale value and curb appeal; houses built from limited, toxic and wasteful resources requiring large monthly outputs of money and inputs of non-renewable energy to keep them running

intentional: homes built for efficiency, livability and with sensitivity to their surroundings, homes built with resources that take into account the fragility of the natural world, and homes that promote the creation of thriving communities

In summary, a new definition might look something like this…

Homemaking: the opportunity of individuals, as members of both local and global communities, to use our respective freedom, knowledge, skills, talents and resources to ensure a strong foundation for future generations while living well and honoring our planet.

As for the practicalities of manifesting such a shift (for those of you who want tools not just theories), here’s part III…

12 Tools for Changing the World (That You May Already Have at Home)

Homemaking Redefined – From Primitive to Antiquated to Intentional was last modified: October 31st, 2012 by Beth
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12 Tools for Changing the World (That You Might Already Have at Home)

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32 comments

Shoshana Z. October 31, 2012 at 10:29 pm

Waiting a whole week is going to be really difficult. 🙂

Reply
Beth November 1, 2012 at 1:58 pm

Thanks, Shoshana! That’s a lovely complement!

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Adah November 1, 2012 at 1:42 am

It sounds like you’re familiar with Daniel Quinn’s Ishmael, but if you’re not it sounds like it might really resonate with you. I love this post (and series). It is really hard to convince people (I teach high school, so the people I try to convince are teenagers) that the skills of homemaking (although I don’t put it in those terms – I put it in terms of independence and self-sufficiency) are worth the effort because most of them already know that they don’t have the time for it. And they don’t, and their parents don’t. They are in such a forceful current of activities that are making them more marketable to colleges that it seems literally impossible to swim in place or even get out of the river. They can’t see how learning to bake bread or sew or develop a self-sustaining compost system will help make their college application more competitive – of course, it probably would if they took the right approach but they can’t see that. They get excited about the idea of getting out of this cycle, really excited, but can’t see how. So sad. I’m new to your blog, but I’m already addicted. Thank you!

Reply
Beth November 1, 2012 at 4:23 am

I haven’t read the book you mentioned, but will certainly add it to my list of those to pick up when back in the states. What an awesome opportunity you have to influence that impressionable age in subtle (and overt) ways. I have dreamed of opening some sort of back-to-basics community ed program and teaching homemaking skills to demographics who aren’t getting much of that at home. Thank you for your work, it’s invaluable.

Reply
Adah November 3, 2012 at 2:21 am

That sounds like so much fun. What’s interesting is that the demographics that aren’t getting these skills are a hugely varied. What skills would you teach? I have also spent my time day dreaming about teaching this stuff and have visions of my students building a cob oven, learning to make scratch pizza, designing and implementing some version of a food forest, students building and using worm bins for school lunch waste, some plumbing conversion projects – the list goes on. I do get hung up on th fact that it is hard to get this kind of stuff done when I only have a group of students for 55 minutes a day and each project requires hunting/funding supplies. I need to be doing a lot of this at home before I spend so much time on it at work!

Reply
Toni November 1, 2012 at 2:51 am

I really am enjoying your blog, I only just discovered you and am so glad i did. I am a homemaker, three kids 14, 4 and 1 year. I love being at home. I feel fortunate. I bake all our breads and pizzas and pasta and I am also starting to grow our food, this has been a very liberating experience. To know that I am capable of making change beginning at home. I really connect with what you are saying about “being busy”. I like to operate at a slower pace and often feel like an underacheiver compared to most people around me. I don’t want to be part of the “rat race” and have never identified with it. After my first child was born I only worked part time so I could be with her outside of school hours. I now am a full time homemaker and feel extremely lucky. Thank you so much for sharing with us. I look forward to your next post!

Reply
Beth November 1, 2012 at 4:15 am

Thank you, Toni! I, too, feel extremely fortunate to be a homemaker and see the ripple effect that the balance I maintain (or don’t) has on my family. You’re right – the art of making home is full of opportunities both for good living and much needed change, especially to those of us who set our own pace. It’s refreshing to hear from others who have found the same to be true!

Reply
Emily November 1, 2012 at 2:58 am

Can’t wait to hear more about number four. We need part-time fulfilling work options (that are challenging and allow advancement, too) that allow balance between family and career!

Reply
Beth November 1, 2012 at 4:07 am

Emily – I couldn’t agree more.

Reply
Lydia November 1, 2012 at 9:03 am

Great post! Really looking forward to the third segment. I just kept thinking “yes. Exactly. Uh-huh.”

Now, what do we do about it? See you next week.

Reply
Beth November 1, 2012 at 1:57 pm

Thanks, Lydia! I look forward to writing it!

Reply
Molly November 1, 2012 at 5:56 pm

Amen sister!
Sign me up.

Reply
Beth November 1, 2012 at 6:11 pm

Welcome aboard!

Reply
Kyce November 1, 2012 at 5:58 pm

Thank you so much for articulating these big thoughts on intentionally radical homemaking. Your orientation and the comprehensive way you are approaching this is so appreciated!

Reply
Beth November 1, 2012 at 6:10 pm

Thank YOU, Kyce! I look forward to reading your take, too. I just clicked over and love what I saw so far!

Reply
Jen November 1, 2012 at 9:31 pm

Hello from a new subscriber! I just found your blog last night and had to read every thoughtful and thought-provoking post. I would love to read more from you about the political state of Mexico and the level of safety right now. You have a couple of posts alluding to media hype in the US about it that, combined with the lack of horrific kidnapping stories in your blog, give me the impression it’s all baloney. I’ve tried to find more ever since my husband told me a while back that his amigo leaves his gringa wife here in the US when he visits family for safety reasons, but I haven’t known where to look. I love Mexico and reading your posts has revived my dream of a trip with my family that I thought was totally out of the question at this time.

Reply
michelle November 1, 2012 at 10:13 pm

I’m also looking forward to next week. 🙂

Reply
Jo November 2, 2012 at 12:39 am

Hi Beth, what an interesting conversation you are having! Like you, I am a homemaker of many years, fell pregnant practically the day I left university, and have been home with four children (8 to 19) ever since, sometimes homeschooling, sometimes running a home business, and always having to find positive ways to define myself outside of the societal norm.

It is interesting that the non-economic, stay at home mum is a fairly recent developed-world, middle class societal construct. Before Victorian times, and in most other cultures, mothers contributed enormously to the household income, but had/have their children right there with them, learning whatever it is the mother is doing. I particularly like the pre-Victorian model of the typical artisan household, run jointly by husband, wife and children with the addition of apprentices as part of the household, all run from home with a shopfront opening to the street. That is a real community enterprise.

Look forward to further installments.

Reply
Alison November 9, 2012 at 5:16 am

Yes! That is the model my husband and I aspire to as well. Love it.We didn’t have to make special arrangements in the past to have dates with our spouses and our kids when we actually got to live, work, learn and play together!

Reply
Beth November 12, 2012 at 6:40 pm

Alison – amen to that.

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Jennifer November 2, 2012 at 2:04 am

really nice. thank you.

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Stacey Libbert November 2, 2012 at 1:08 pm

Beth,
You have managed to very effectively articulate much of what I have been thinking for so many years. I am a writer, teacher and mother and enthusiastic homemaker. I have two children, ages 11 and 7, and believe, so deeply, in this idea of setting a foundation and in changing the world in small, incremental ways. I shared your post on my blog’s FB page and am planning a post that shares both your blog and adds my own thoughts. What a great conversation! I’m so happy to have run across you. I’ll be back next week and many times thereafter.

Stacey

Reply
Susan November 3, 2012 at 2:20 am

This is amazing. Feels like a manifesto of sorts for you (maybe?) I’m also continually amazed how so many people are having very similar personal revolutions (revelations?) but they are always uniquely expressed – how cool is that? Really speaks to both our “oneness” and our individuality.

I feel a very strong resonance with what you wrote here myself – and I’m currently bucking trends left and right while still caught in many. The word “convenience” jumped right out at me because that is something I’ve been thinking about a lot lately (and will likely write about in the near future).

ps I studied in Oaxaca, Mexico for a month after graduating college… have you been?

Reply
Gerardo November 3, 2012 at 6:07 pm

Hola Beth, me gustó mucho tu post, realmente me va a ayudar a tener discusiones mas informadas con mi novia acerca del tema de las tareas del hogar. Saludos desde Monterrey, México.

Reply
Beth November 9, 2012 at 3:09 am

Hola Gerardo! Siempre es un placer contestar en Español! Pues, gracias por tus sentimientos y espero que mi post les ayudó. Saludos desde la playa!

Reply
Ilsy November 4, 2012 at 1:02 pm

I feel bad now that I left a criticism on the first post in the series only to find this post right after.

Beautifully done.

I even read the “not a Debbie Downer” warning and still fell for it. Ugh!

Reply
Beth November 9, 2012 at 3:00 am

Thanks, IIsy. No worries at all. I appreciate the honesty of your comment. I do hope that if you read through to the end you will see that my perspective is far from one of a victim. I am, in fact, a strong believer in personal responsibility. Thanks for reading and sharing your thoughts!

Reply
josefa November 9, 2012 at 8:23 pm

new to your blog and loving it. I am surprised that I haven’t seen a link to Radical Homemakers (Shannon Hayes). In the off chance that you haven’t seen it, take a look.

I am excited to explore and read.

In solidarity,

josefa

Reply
Beth November 12, 2012 at 6:33 pm

Hi Josefa! Someone just mentioned Shannon Hayes to me a few articles back. I am excited to read her work, but also have so much more to say from my own experience that I almost think I’d better wait to read her until I’ve written a book of my own (soon!) Not sure how that works when two writers have similar ideas – whether it’d be better to get her take or whether that might detract from the authenticity of my voice? Thanks for the recommendation – I’m oh-so-curious!

Reply
josefa November 9, 2012 at 8:23 pm

http://www.shannonhayes.info/

Reply
Mujahid May 29, 2013 at 4:15 am

Awesome post. Just shared it with some friends.

Reply
Cindy Hoven March 29, 2015 at 2:04 pm

I am a 58 year old woman that never got the wonderful life of being a homemaker. I so wanted it, dreamed of it my entire childhood. But my poor choices denied myself and my children the dream.
You are an awesome woman! I admire you., enjoy your blog and can’t wait to read your book. Do you realize your thoughts, ideas apply to all seasons of life ? Even at my age , working outside the home , full time, I am striving to live my life very close to your ideals.
Thank you, Cindy H

Reply

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Hi! I’m Beth Berry, writer, life coach, adventurer, mother of four daughters, and hopelessly hopeful human. This is a space where I show up wholeheartedly (however imperfectly), speak the truths of my heart, and contemplate life’s messy, sacred mysteries. Make yourself at home! All are welcome here.

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