Often when I catch myself overfunctioning in my work or personal life, then slow down enough to regulate and look within, I find that I’m avoiding something, and that that something is almost always rooted in fear or grief.

Cleaning from a frantic feeling place is often a sign that I’m unsettled about something.

Not taking breaks but working while eating my lunch and/or dinner (more than just occasionally) is often a sign that I’m overstimulated and too dysregulated to connect with what matters most to me.

Saying yes to more than I can keep up with and still feel like my best self is often a sign that I’m feeling the reality of midlife and heartbroken that there’s only so much beauty and wonder and service and connection I’m going to be able to squeeze into the rest of my days (even if I live to be 103, which is my plan).

The overculture doesn’t want us to slow down. The overculture doesn’t want us to have time or space to self-reflect. The overculture depends on us filling the gaps with anything BUT grief, which is the one thing that is most likely to transmute our big, messy emotions into wisdom, power, inner peace, and true intimacy.

My new mantra for tough moments?

Maybe it’s grief that’s meant to fill the gap.

Tenderhearted more often than not these days,