Back in 2015 I wrote a blog post entitled Brokenhearted and Better For It. That year and the few years leading up to it were some of the most transformative of my life (second only to the experience of becoming a mother). The most important aspect of that transformation? 

I took down the walls of protection I’d spent a lifetime building around my heart. 

Seven years later, my heart is still wide open. No walls of certainty. No fortress of perfectionism or avoidance. No stockpiles of judgment at the ready, just in case.

Sure, those old self-protective strategies still present themselves from time to time, but they feel foreign and undesirably heavy now. They no longer serve me because they block my access to my heart, which means access to my inner guidance system, my most trusted, tender teacher, my access point to The Sacred Mother (the God/Goddess of my imagination), my source of joy and compassion, and my inner counsel (which is made up of my inner 9-year old, my inner 17-year old, and my inner 80-year old). 

Ain’t no way I’m blocking access for myself to that much collective goodness. 

But/and, walking through this world with a wide open heart is no joke. 

I have other coping and protective strategies such as boundary setting, letting many of my relationships change form and/or fall away, regular rest and nature connection, humility, self-compassion, and the courageous, clunky development of parts of myself that would prefer to stay small and hidden away out of fear and shame. 

It also requires that I intentionally and frequently contemplate openheartedness, reminding myself of why I’ve chosen this path and how I can care for myself in the face of so much injustice, cruelty and oppression; in the face of our critically wounded world. 

So, here’s a list that I need to make for my own tender self right now. Hopefully it’ll be a salve for some of you, as well.

Reminders for the openhearted: 

• Staying open means welcoming pain which, at least initially, feels counterintuitive. It also allows us access to depths of joy, pleasure, and inner peace that are inaccessible when our hearts are walled. This is why regular rest and breaks from overstimulation and news are so essential. 
  
• Without walls, we must develop and mature our inner mother who will hold space for us with gentle, loving discernment and say things like, “Go ahead sweet girl, you got this,” and “That’s enough for today, babe, it’s naptime,” as needed.
  
• The mind makes a thorough mess of matters meant for the heart. This is part of the reason so many people feel scattered, uncertain and directionless most of the time. They’re trying to force their mind to do work it’s not meant to do. Don’t be fooled by the heart-disconnected, even though they are the majority. This is not your path.
  
• It’s only my mind that wants me to hurry and that worries that I’m not doing enough. Even when my body feels anxious and hyper-aroused, it’s the mind that’s driving whenever I’m moving at a frantic pace. Tuning into my heart and the rest of my body and asking gently, “What do you need, babe?” helps me put on the breaks and remember to feel the feelings that my mind is trying to avoid. 
  
• Premature meaning-making is a stress response of the mind. Though it’s natural to want to make sense of our feelings, it’s more important that we make room for them. Feelings want to be felt all the way, first and foremost. 
  
• A racing mind is usually evidence of an unsettled heart. We may be able to calm our minds for a time through meditation, prayer, or nature connection, but until we truly listen to what our hearts are trying to tell us, the mind will run and run, searching for answers it has no access to. 
  
• Our hearts (and bodies) make wiser pace-setters than our minds. 
  
• The heart, alone, holds some of the answers we seek.
  
• Broken-open hearts are the most beautiful ones as they aren’t limited by what we decide they should contain. Or, as Joanna Macy said, “The heart that breaks open can contain the whole universe.”

For those of you still holding walls of protection in place but tired of the work this requires (and the way it limits your joy), I offer you this, which I wrote seven years ago, freshly brokenhearted:

A strong heart is a very different thing than strong walls surrounding your heart. The only way to gain heart strength is by allowing it to expand and contract like any other muscle. Keeping it walled and leaning on your walls for strength is like depending on an arm cast for protection long after it’s needed for support in healing. Once it’s served its purpose, it must be removed and the arm rehabbed or the muscles will begin to atrophy.

In a culture that praises logic and intellect while distorting, downplaying, and discrediting emotions, the work of listening to and honoring the heart is that much more challenging, important, and revolutionary. 

It’s an act of rebellion and essential to our activism. 

Big love from my tender heart to yours,