I’m friends with a large number of incredibly brilliant people. The collective talents, skills, knowledge, understanding, passions and creativity between them is enough to sustain a small city (in Utopia, of course).

But I’ve noticed something through the years: even the most incredible minds among us get stuck in thought loops and habit patterns that lead to self-sabotage. In fact, some of the smartest people I know seem to struggle more than most.

Why is this? Here’s my hunch:

Because our brains get in the way of our hearts. {Subtle switch to the first person for the sake of camaraderie.} Because we’ve grown accustomed to thinking as opposed to feeling our way through life. Because from the time we’re young, we build our sense of self (and security) based on the rightness of our thoughts as opposed to the wholeness of our beings.

Brilliance without soul alignment, however, limits our effectiveness. Intelligence without intuition sets us up to struggle. Great minds can only take us so far until we’re willing to endure the fear and vulnerability of showing up fully (smarts AND hearts), offer our unique version of a beautiful mess to the world and celebrate it as sacred.

The first step, of course, is simply noticing how often we stand in our own way:

19 Ways Smart People Self Sabotage

1. We believe we’re supposed to have the right answers, right now. Our minds are impatient. We’re wired to reason our way to relief. Once we learn to listen deeply, however, and engage our whole awareness, we realize that we have all the answers we need and can effectively utilize in this moment. As we align our minds with our hearts, we become increasingly comfortable NOT knowing the answers and come to trust in life as an inherently supportive process.
2. We underestimate the value of our uniqueness. When we look around and no one else is like us, we begin to think we’re better off conforming than risking ridicule by showing up in all our quirky uniqueness. It is precisely this uniqueness, however, that attracts the kind of people we WANT in our lives and places us on the path that feels right for us.
3. We become cynics. Smart people see through bullshit that others buy into. Living among so much seeming ignorance (which is really just misguided understanding) can leave us cynical, which we then mistake for an empowered reaction. Though it’s possible to use cynicism in illuminating ways (Jon Stewart is one of the only people who pulls this off effectively, in my opinion {I have even more respect for him following his reaction to the Eric Garner case}), more often than not, it merely serves to deepen our sense of hopelessness. Avoiding pain and disappointment through clever comebacks is no suitable substitution for honoring and healing our hearts. In the words of Brené Brown, “We cannot selectively numb emotions. When we numb the painful emotions, we also numb the positive emotions.”
4. We fall prey to perfectionism. We’ve been taught that being smart means presenting as perfectly as possible. This keeps many of us from putting much of ANYTHING out there (much less our truest selves) for fear of being found out for all our “flaws.” Julia Cameron describes the risk in this type of thinking, “Perfectionism is not a quest for the best. It is a pursuit of the worst in ourselves, the part that tells us that nothing we do will ever be good enough.”
5. We think ourselves out of taking chances. Because we are smart, we can easily talk ourselves out of just about anything. Arguments that keep us within our comfort zone (at the expense of our joy) may be convincing, but rarely lead us to the sense of fulfillment we seek.
6. We do more than our share because we don’t trust others to do their part. Our gifts quickly become curses when we attempt to control outcomes or increase our sense of purpose by doing other people’s work for them. By instead aligning our purpose with our hearts, we create healthier boundaries, breed less resentment and dependency, free up space for others to show up fully and feel more purposeful in the end.
7. We buy into someone else’s version of success. Unless we define success for ourselves, no amount of effort in the world will fulfill us on the level we long to be satiated. Success is felt most deeply when we’re living in alignment with our deepest desires.
8. We assume our joy awaits us in the future. Bright people are often visionaries, which keeps us forward thinking. But because peace, contentment, growth, joy and love are only available to us in the present moment, too much forward thinking serves to rob us of the exact feelings we work so hard to ensure for ourselves.
9. We try to right the present by overthinking our past. Though reflection and story sorting is essential to growth and healing, many of us get so good at making sense of our past that it detracts from our present. Spending a greater percentage of our time in the present moment through mindful awareness increases the quality of everything we do.
10. We believe our strengths are the things we are good at. A life-altering distinction I learned from Marcus Buckingham, our strengths and the things we are good at are NOT one and the same. Strengths are things we do that make us feel empowered and ALIVE. By mistaking the things we’re good at for that which makes us feel alive (I’m REALLY good at cleaning my house, for example), we can end up feeling drained without even knowing why.
11. We attempt to avoid pain. Our culture teaches us that pain is bad and to be avoided at all cost. The truth is that pain is an inevitable part of our experience and essential for growth and healing. By facing painful situations, allowing them to teach us what we’re meant to learn and letting them pass through us, our fears of being hurt have less and less power over us.
12. We underestimate the value of rest and refueling. Smart people tend to associate self worth with accomplishments, which leads us to work ourselves into the ground. Thinking in terms of quality of life over quantity of accomplishments helps us focus on what matters most in the moment.
13. We’re vague about what we want in life. Our lives are so full of options that it’s easy to live in a state of constant indecision. By learning to silence the noise around us (and within our busy minds) we become more clear about what it is we really want, which is an essential step toward creating lives we love.
14. We confuse our thoughts for truth. In the words of Byron Katie, “Don’t believe everything you think.” Though it’s human nature to limit our beliefs to that which we understand, smart people sometimes feel even more justified in doing so. By opening ourselves to greater potential and possibility, however,  judgments, disappointments and disconnection are replaced by a feeling of freedom.
15. We allow others to leech our energy, thinking we’re helping them. Because we recognize ourselves as more capable than some, we tend to allow those with less clarity than we have to drain our precious energy reserves. Weak boundaries are often remedied when we get clear on what we want our lives to feel like instead of what we think we should be doing.
16. We apologize or make excuses for our awesomeness. Because every version of brilliance is unique and therefor easily labeled as weird or socially unacceptable, we try to fit in by dumbing ourselves down. Being fully ourselves can even seem like a burden to others, depending on whether we were validated for who we truly are when we were young. To apologize for who we are, however, is to apologize for being a piece of the universe. No gift so invaluable as this needs justification.
17. We doubt the sufficiency of our impact. Again, because everyone’s brilliance is unique, it’s hard to find validation for that which we wish to offer the world. Until we find that sense of validation from within, we’re limited in our ability to make the kind of impact we know we’re here for.
18. We take things personally. Nothing anyone does is really about you. People’s reactions to you are based on their limited awareness and emotions. Taking things personally is a way we distort our sense of importance. We are important, just not based on whether or not others approve of us.
19. We believe the myth of failure. Failure is not a fact, failure is a judgement. When we think we might fail, we hold back our greatest gifts for fear of finding out we’re worth even less than we thought. By thinking of failures, instead, as powerful game changers or essential life lessons, we can choose to gain from them and keep going, better equipped.

Here’s the thing, smart people: no matter how confusing our culture makes it seem, your unique brilliance is exactly what the world needs. In fact, it’s the ONLY thing the world needs from you. The moment you decide to allow you heart to guide your choices, your mind to follow in close second and who you really are to become fully realized, you’ve taken the first step toward the powerfully purposeful life you’ve always dreamed of.

On behalf of humanity, I beg of you: let it be soon.

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